Conversations

The other day I had two really interesting conversations with people from different sides of my life.

The first conversation was with my business coach. I felt like I did most of the talking and when I talk on the phone I tend to ramble on and on. I had questions and doubts and ideas… and the more I talked about what I wanted and what I was stuck on, I ended up answering my own questions. We all kind of know what we need to do, but it’s so hard sometimes to just DO it. Sometimes all it takes is another voice at the other end of the phone who is the voice of calm and reason and who says all the right things and lets you take the time to talk yourself into what you know you want to do and what you should do.

I never thought I was the type of person who needed a coach. I was so wrong. Because a good coach knows the questions to ask when you’re stuck and leads you to open up your mind and figure out the direction you want to go on your own.

I came away from that conversation with a new sense of purpose, a specific direction, and sense of calm and determination that I had been missing the last few weeks.

Yay me!

The second conversation was with a friend from my daughter’s school. We had some time to kill and she mentioned that she admired me for all the things I do. She said that I seemed to have it all together despite all the different hats I wore all day long. I had to laugh because deep inside I would not have every thought of myself as one of those women who had it all together. To the outside world, I guess I do kind of DO it all, which isn’t the same as having it all. I started listed everything I actually do:

• I have a part-time job working with bloggers on brand campaigns
• I have a social media business with a growing client base
• I am the PFO President at my daughters’s elementary school
• I run a 900 woman blogger network
• I’m developing an e-course
• I’m mom to 3 daughters (2 teens and 1 tween)
• I have a husband who needs my attention
• I have a personal blog that I try and keep up with

And with all the above, I manage to attend events here and there, make every tennis match, get a little book club reading in, and believe it or not, I shower and dress every day. Yay me!

The problem with all this is that one day might be really great, but the next 2 days are miserable. What people don’t see is the mini breakdown I have while behind closed doors. I’ve gotten really good at hiding that away from everyone but my family and closest friends.

What they don’t see:

• My house is a mess with dirty dishes in the sink and a cluttered dining room table
• Nobody has clean clothes because there is no time to do laundry
• We have little food in the house because I can’t get to the market
• The paperwork at home is piling up because I have no time to organize and file it all
• We tend to dump everything in the garage or the home office because we don’t have time to sort it or figure out where it belongs.
• My family is annoyed that I don’t actually cook dinner more than one or two nights a week. We do a lot of take-out.
• My dogs are even annoyed with me that I don’t have time to play with them or take them to the park.
• I fall into bed at night so exhausted with thoughts running through my head about all the things I need to get done the next day.

It’s exhausting being me. I bet it’s exhausting being you, too.

We all have this image we project to the outside world… but when I’m home, I’m just tired. Really tired.

I thank God for the friends who always come through to cheer me on… and my family who is so supportive of all that I do (even though they don’t always like it).

My point is that doing the things you love isn’t always easy. Building a business is hard. And just because we look like we have this life-thing down to a science, there is always something that comes along to trip us up.

So, yes… I do a lot. But it’s a daily struggle. And right now the dishes and the laundry and refrigerator are the things that have gone to the back burner. But it’s okay… because somehow we always end up finding a clean dish or a clean shirt to wear. And I don’t think any of us has starved yet. So we muddle through and do what we can.

And when you catch me on a good day, I’ll be the one who is running around and is being awesome. Just know that if you don’t see me for a day or two, I’m probably stuck at home or in my office contemplating quitting it all and moving to Hawaii.