Validation

Parenting sucks.

Yes, of course, it’s full of sweet moments and kisses and cuddles. But, you get to a point where you start to question all your motives and insights. Your kids grow up and while you know parenting is one of those thankless jobs, you still hold out some shred of hope that one day all your hard work will pay off and you’ll reach some kind of …. validation.

I do have a point…

A few days ago, I had one of those days that could give you a migraine. It started off okay, but as the day wore on everyone ended up getting cranky and snarky. I got frustrated because my children think that winter break means planting your tush on the sofa and gluing your fingers to the remote control. Meanwhile, Mom (Me) is doing all the thinks I normally do… cleaning, laundry, cooking, working… and it kind of pissed me off that while I was doing my business around the house, the little people were on their tenth episode of Phineas & Ferb. All I wanted was a little help. Too much to ask? It was according to my children.

Drama.

I’ll spare you the nitty gritty details, but at the end of the rant, my three daughters, who claim to hate each other and who are constantly fighting, decided they would team up in the battle between parents and kids. They all took off to ride bikes, leaving the adults home to relish the quiet house for a while.

When the kids came home I got a lecture. The oldest started in on me about the fact that we weren’t raising her right. Huh? She didn’t like the fact that we treated each kid differently (we don’t) or that the youngest gets everything she wants (she doesn’t). I was told that she resents the fact I complain the kids do nothing to help around the house (they do very little) and that despite the fact that strangers tell her she is a lovely child (she is) that underneath she is miserable (she’s not).

I stood and listened. To all 20 minutes. And then I smiled.

You see… I just received the validation I needed - from my own daughter. Not raising her right? It was oh so obvious that I was definitely doing a lot right.

You see my dear daughter… I raised you to speak your mind. To stand up for yourself. To tell me when you are troubled and hurting. I raised you to come to me when you had problems. When times got tough, you stuck by your sisters and banded together against the enemy (in this case, your parents). You claim to get on each others nerves… but you supported each other. You love each other. Yes, there is a reason strangers tell you that you are a lovely, well-behaved child. Because you are. I like to think maybe your parents had something to do with that. You are a straight A student and you study and work hard. Hmmm…. could we really have been doing everything wrong?

At the end of my lecture, I had shown up an almost 13-year-old. And then I said the words I swore I’d never say…

“I know you think you would be a better parent, and you will get that chance when you have your own children. You can do everything you didn’t like when you were growing up. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because your children will still tell you that you are doing everything wrong and think that they will be a better parent than you.”

We all do the best we can with what we have.

I just happen to know that I’m at least on the right path.