I felt the need to write something. I’m not sure what will come out, but let’s give it a go.
Yesterday afternoon a child was killed.
Let that sink in a little.
The grapevine that is Santa Clarita took hold of the story and within minutes my Facebook feed was full of bits and pieces of what happened. It was either a kid or a man, he was either riding a skateboard or holding one as he crossed the street. An SUV might have ran a red light or the driver might have been on a cell phone… or both. It was sunny and warm and not a cloud in the sky. A beautiful summer day. And now a child is dead.
It took a little time to identify him, although people I know suspected who it was early on. I prayed that I didn’t know him. I prayed that it was someone older, from out of town maybe, a person that meant nothing to me. I was wrong.
This child… 14 years old… was ran over by a driver that supposedly ran a red light and hit him while he was minding his own business and crossing legally in a marked crosswalk. Lives have forever been changed. Mine included.
We are a large city, but a very small community. We feel deeply and we take things personally. This child attended school with my kids. He lived in our neighborhood. I didn’t know him or his family, although I had seen him around school on many occasions. It doesn’t matter - our tiny public school is tight - and this shook me to my core.
As a mother, I feel a pain for his family that can’t really be described. I find myself shaking a little bit (literally) because I’m afraid to let out the emotions. This could have been my child, any of our children. All of our kids walk these streets, skateboard around town, ride their bikes. We are a bedroom community and seeing children out and about is expected. Seeing a child dead in the street is not.
I woke up this morning feeling unsettled. I can’t even imagine the knock on the door his parents would have received yesterday with a uniformed Sheriff breaking the news. I want to hug his parents tight… and say what? I’m not sure.
My husband said, “Everything happens for a reason.” I wanted to shoot him.
I believe that everything happens for a reason… except this. This did not happen for a reason. This happened because of one driver. It was senseless. A child is dead and a community is heartbroken.
And I find myself bursting into tears at the most random moments. Because as a mother, I feel the pain. It hurts. A lot.
I drive by the site every single day… multiple times a day. I’ll drive by a little slower from now on. I’ll drive by and remember that life is short… so painfully short. I’ll drive by with my kids fighting in the car and I’ll stop yelling at them… I’ll stop being angry with them… I’ll tell them I love them and that I’m proud of them. I’ll thank God that they are here… in my car… arguing with each other.
In time, I’ll start being angry with them again, I’ll stop slowing down when I pass the spot, because life moves on and we are still here. That is what we do… we never forget, but we go on.
Sometimes life just really sucks. And is completely unfair.
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