It’s a funny term, isn’t it? The sandwich generation? That’s what they call me and those like me, the ones that are stuck in the middle of caring for parents AND children. It’s not somewhere I thought I’d ever be. In fact, it wasn’t even on my radar until it suddenly hit me upside the head.
When I was a kid, my grandparents moved from our town in Connecticut down to Florida. While we visited them as often as we could, they weren’t around for the day-to-day medical issues that came up. They were primarily dealing with those on their own. Towards the end of their lives, I was already living in California and was pretty removed from seeing their deteriorating condition. I didn’t think much of it. People age, people get sick, people die. It was what happened to “older” people.
So when did my mother become one of the “older” people?
It’s rarely one incident that brings on the downward spiral. It’s usually a series of things… little health issues that give way to larger ones. It becomes harder to recover, harder to manage, harder to get through the day-to-day. They need help.
Sigh!
So, what do you do? I haven’t quite figured that out yet. My mother recently underwent a serious surgery and was hospitalized for almost a month. It really threw us (and her) since none of us knew what to expect from this. None of us realized that the rehabilitation after the surgery would take such a toll on the entire family. And the real question became how long is this going to last?
We are so fortunate that she is doing well and is back home. While she does have some help, she primarily can do everything she did before the surgery. It’s great news, but it also brought up so many other questions. What if it happens again? What if she ends up needing more care? None of us is getting any younger, and the responsibility of raising my own children has given way to the responsibility of taking care of Mom.
The funny thing is that as I talk to more and more people in my age group (I’m older than you think) I am discovering that we are all in the same boat. It seems like everyone I know is either helping their own parents out in some way, or is having them move in with them. It doesn’t seem so surprising anymore to have multi-generations living under the same roof. While many 20-something and 30-somethings are moving back in with their parents… by the time you reach 40-something and 50-something, you’re parents are moving in with you.
So tell me your story… are you sandwiched in between your kids and your parents?
