As any parent who has more than one child knows all too well… every kid is different. Still, it doesn’t seem to stop us from making comparisons between them. It might just be the worst thing you can do to a child. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. But…
My oldest daughter is the typical oldest child. She has an inner drive that makes her need to complete her homework the second she walks in the house. She starts working on a report two months before it is due. She studies for a test without us telling her to. She is responsible. She is dependable.
Not so much for our middle daughter. She is the typical middle child. She spends her days in the shadow of her older sister. She isn’t the same type of kid. She doesn’t like doing her homework. She would rather listen to music, play computer games or watch TV. Her priorities are different. She wants to have fun.
I compare. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I can’t help myself. Why isn’t the middle more responsible? Why doesn’t she bring home the grades I know she is capable of getting? What makes her so completely different? Same gene pool. Same parents. Same environment. Different kid.
It’s frustrating. It’s something I know I need to get over… and fast. I need to focus on her strengths, not her weaknesses. She knows she isn’t the student her sister is and it breaks my heart when she tells me she knows she isn’t as smart. Of course she is smart. Very. Just smart in different ways.
I know I’m giving her the impression that maybe she isn’t as smart. I am hard on her to do her work, get good grades. But I’m hard because I KNOW she’s smart enough and capable enough. I want her to be the best she can be. Maybe she has other ideas. Oh if only we could look into the future and see how our children turn out.
Meanwhile, we tell ourselves that we simply can’t (and shouldn’t) compare our kids to each other.
But we do.
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