Decisions

There comes a time when you have to start deciding things for yourself. I’m not sure what that exact moment is, but it’s somewhere between needing someone to change your diapers and walking into your first pre-school class. Someone is making all the choices for you: what to wear, how to style your hair, what you should eat for breakfast. You take it at face value that someone else knows best.

Part of growing up means having to transfer those choices and decisions onto your own shoulders. Picking out your own clothes and deciding what to eat for lunch don’t seem like monumental decisions, but every choice you make leads you to more choices… more decisions… or, rather, more indecisions.

They don’t get any easier.

Suddenly you are faced with making choices that will change your life: who to date, who to marry, what job to take, what house to buy. At some point you realize you are making good choices or your are making bad choices. It’s usually a pattern. Sometimes the decisions are too astronomical to make: do you have the surgery or do you pull the plug? If only a crystal ball could let you in on the outcome of your decisions.

We’ve all make thousands… millions… of decisions in our lifetime. I have to say most of my decisions have been good ones. Some haven’t, but we can’t recognize the good ones if we don’t also make bad ones.

I find myself at a point where the decisions I’ve been making (and still need to make) have been of the really big kind. Not life and death ones, but decisions big enough to effect my life in a no-turning-back kind of way. I find myself looking for signs in everyday, mundane things that I do. I keep hoping it will hit me like a ton of bricks… what the right choice is. Sadly, I’m slowly realizing that might never happen. There just might not be a sign, or an instance when I’ll know exactly what to do. It’s a little disheartening.

I truly believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe none of the decisions we make are ours alone. Maybe we struggle and stress over making them, when in reality, they’ve already been made for us. Unfortunately, I still panic that I’m choosing the right path. I flip flop back and forth… a lot. My heart tells me one thing, my brain tells me another. I wish they would stop arguing and just get along.

I’ve listed the pros and cons. The pros outweigh the cons. It still doesn’t make the decision any easier.

I really wish I had that crystal ball right now.

I’ll let you all know when I’ve made my decision.