Parenting isn’t that hard. Really, it isn’t. We make it harder on ourselves because we listen to all the noise around us telling us that we have to discipline more, check grades every day, create chore charts, and limit screen time. We are so focused on being a great parent and having our children love and respect us that we end up creating children who get annoyed with everything we do and have no respect for us at all.
I have friends tell me all the time what great kids I have. Of course, every day isn’t great, but for the most part, I am proud of the people my children have become. They have empathy, they are kind, and most importantly, they are respectful. Maybe not of their own parents all the time, but out in the world, they are.
I remember back to when I was growing up and the things that I didn’t like.
- having to sit at the children’s table
- my feelings not being taken into consideration
- never being asked what I thought
- being treated as a child
- being spoken to in a demeaning manner
Even at a young age, it was humiliating. I felt less than, and I didn’t know why. Being young didn’t mean that I had no voice. It just wasn’t being heard.
So I try hard to treat my own children like people, not like property. We often ask our kids what they want, how they feel, where they’d like to go. I stop and listen when they talk. And I try hard as hell to let go. It’s so hard because I DO want to put them in a bubble sometimes. But being a great parent means taking the chance that our kids will make the right choices and be just fine.
So when my 17 year old wants to have lunch with her friend an hour away, I let her go.
When my 12 year old wants to go to Magic Mountain with her friends (and no adults), I let her go.
When my 14 year old wants to travel to another State with her robotics team, I say… when do you leave?
We have the same problems as any other family – too much screen time, talking back, not doing chores or homework, but the difference is that we discuss the situation and listen to our kids’ point of view. Of course we argue and don’t see eye-to-eye on everything and that is exactly what we want, isn’t it? We want our kids to tell us why they think they are right, we want them to feel comfortable telling us.
In many ways, we live in a very different world than when we grew up. In many ways, it’s exactly the same. Kids want to be included. They want their voices to be heard. They want us to listen without judging. You know… the same things we adults want.
If you think parenting is hard… maybe you should ask your kids what you can be doing better. And maybe you should listen to their answers with honest interest and respect.
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